Intimacy after the pandemic
The current state of our intimate lives
With couples now spending more of their time together post-pandemic, it can be difficult to re-establish a satisfying level of desire and intimacy. As clinical psychologist Esther Perel states in her book Mating in Captivity, “distance and separation are necessary for the kindling of sexual desire in a monogamous relationship.” So how do you keep sex interesting and create feelings of excitement and curiosity when you’ve spent the past three years living, working and spending all of your time together? Let’s take a closer look at what it takes to keep the spark alive.
The pandemic has had an immense effect on relationships, forcing couples to spend more time together than ever before. This can make it difficult to stay interested in your partner sexually, as well as creating feelings of resentment or stagnation. So how do partners create longing and mystery for each other when they’re rarely apart?
Re-igniting sexual interest and desire
One way to keep your sex life interesting is by introducing new activities into your relationship. Whether it’s taking a class together, trying out a new hobby, or simply exploring places you haven’t been before, novelty can help keep things fresh and exciting. Additionally, talking about sex—what turns you on (or off) and what fantasies you have—can help reignite sparks that have faded over time. It’s also important to remember that even small changes can make a huge difference; something as simple as deciding to sleep apart or having dinner at different times can help foster feelings of autonomy and independence which are essential for partners who want to stay connected emotionally.
Perel suggests that couples focus on making sure they are “both inside and outside the relationship…we need both separateness and connection" if we want our relationships to remain healthy and satisfying over time. Making sure we both have enough space so that we don't feel smothered but also engaging with one another enough so that we don't drift apart is key here—it's all about finding the right balance between closeness and separateness.
All relationships require effort if they are going to survive over the long haul; this is especially true when partners are stuck at home with each other 24/7. By recognizing the importance of distance as well as closeness, making sure there's plenty of novelty in your relationship, talking openly about sex (and anything else!), and carving out enough space for yourself so that you don't get overwhelmed or smothered by your partner's presence, couples can ensure their relationships continue to thrive despite these challenging times.
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References:
Perel, E. (2006). Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence. Harper Perennial.