What are boundaries and why are they important?

What are boundaries?

Boundaries are an essential aspect of healthy relationships, yet they are often overlooked and disregarded. Boundaries refer to the physical, emotional, and psychological limits that we establish to protect ourselves from being taken advantage of, manipulated, or violated by others. They define what is acceptable and what is not acceptable behaviour in a relationship. Boundaries can be thought of as the fence that surrounds our emotional and mental wellbeing.

In any healthy relationship, boundaries are crucial to maintaining a sense of autonomy, respect, and trust. According to Brené Brown, "Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously." This statement highlights the importance of boundaries in maintaining a healthy balance between giving and receiving in a relationship. Setting boundaries can be challenging, especially if we fear rejection or abandonment. However, failing to establish boundaries can lead to unhealthy relationships, codependency, and poor mental health.

The importance of boundaries to good mental health cannot be overstated. Boundaries protect us from emotional and psychological harm, allowing us to maintain a healthy sense of self and identity. Without boundaries, we may find ourselves constantly compromising our values and beliefs, which can lead to feelings of resentment, anger, and frustration. Additionally, boundaries help to reduce anxiety and stress by providing a sense of predictability and stability in our relationships.

Asserting boundaries

So, what does setting a boundary look like? Here are some examples:

- "I need some alone time right now. Can we talk later?"

- "I don't feel comfortable discussing this topic right now."

- "I will not tolerate being spoken to disrespectfully. Please speak to me with kindness."

- "I need you to respect my decision and not pressure me to change my mind."

When people fail to set boundaries, they may find themselves in toxic or abusive relationships, where their needs and boundaries are ignored or violated. According to Nedra Tawwab, "When we don't set boundaries, we allow others to disrespect us, and we dismiss our own feelings and needs." This dismissal of our own feelings and needs can lead to feelings of low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression.

A healthy relationship has healthy boundaries

Boundaries are essential to healthy relationships and good mental health. They provide a sense of safety and security, allowing us to develop strong and respectful relationships with others. Setting and maintaining boundaries requires courage and self-awareness, but the benefits are well worth the effort. As Brené Brown states, "Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others."

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References:

Brown, B. (2019). Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts. Random House.

Tawwab, N. (2020). Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself. Penguin Random House.